Monthly Archives: July 2010

9 months ago I broke up with my GF of a year(lets call her D), and she was my first serious GF. During the entire relationship I always turned to my best friend for advice when things got rough (lets call her L). L was like my rock, always giving me help when I needed it like great friends do and more often than not she told me to get rid of D, because she was making me miserable. I didn’t listen to her and proceeded to try and fix the relationship by talking it out- but of course that didn’t work.

Over the following 7 months in which I tried to get over her, D disrespected my wishes for alone time away from her and tried to contact me- telling me how much she missed talking to me, and of course to ‘gloat’ about how great her life was currently going/her new flame etc. This only made things worse, and naturally I often turned to L for support. L backed me up, telling me that it was for the best and that D wasn’t worth it. D also started to passive aggressively insult me (like making comments about my looks, humour etc) to the point where I really started to dislike her; which I told L.

However, D came to me out of the blue at the end of the 7 months and said she and L had strong feelings for each other. I confronted L, having told her I wouldn’t be comfortable with them getting together after everything and that I couldn’t accept it. L told me there was nothing to worry about and that nothing was happening. And yet after a series of events it came to light that D was telling the truth, and they were both attempting to get a relationship going. After a heated commotion on my part after having felt lied to and betrayed, I told them I never wanted to speak to them again.

After having deleted all their details from things like Facebook, MSN, Phone numbers etc, I got a long nasty email from L, pretty calling me all names under the sun, that I was childish and that they were both going out and there was nothing I could do about it. I also got an IM from my ex telling me I’m childish for not taking any of this calmly. Having said I never wanted to talk to either of them again, I stood by my word and merely blocked D and deleted the nasty email from L. For the following week, I got spam IM via MSN from their alternate accounts at stupid times till I finally managed to stop it from happening.

Roughly a week later, L resent the exact same email to me again, almost as if she were goading me to react to her. Again, I ignored it and moved it swiftly to the recycle bin. Things got quiet for a while and I thought I finally could get on with my life, but 3 weeks later I got an email from D, telling me I must be some sort of psycho and to stop harassing L with text messages. They literally accused me of teaming up with L’s ex (who she dumped in favour of D btw) to harass them both. As much as I was angered by this, I grit my teeth and continued to ignore/delete.

This continued on and off for 2.5 months, in which they stopped emailing one of my addresses after not receiving any response, and have now moved onto my second one. I also started to receive calls around the 11pm-2am mark on my mobile, half the time from with held numbers, and once in a while from L’s mobile/home phone. L tried to call me at work one time during this horrible time line when I was having trouble with family (she found out after stalking my online blog which she and D can’t comment on), and D also emailed me trying to act like the concerned friend to offer shoulder to cry on. I was having none of this wolf in sheep’s clothing act at all, and ignored it all as best I could.

Now I’m at the end of my tether with them both; I thought that after 2.5-3 months had passed that they’d move on with their damn lives. But it seems they’re still obsessing over me and trying to cause as much displeasure to me as they possibly can, in any way they can.

Can all of this be considered harassment? I don’t want to have to change my mobile number or my email address just because two idiots won’t get a clue, but I’m at my wits end with it all!

Continue reading →

9 months ago I broke up with my GF of a year(lets call her D), and she was my first serious GF. During the entire relationship I always turned to my best friend for advice when things got rough (lets call her L). L was like my rock, always giving me help when I needed it like great friends do and more often than not she told me to get rid of D, because she was making me miserable. I didn’t listen to her and proceeded to try and fix the relationship by talking it out- but of course that didn’t work.

Over the following 7 months in which I tried to get over her, D disrespected my wishes for alone time away from her and tried to contact me- telling me how much she missed talking to me, and of course to ‘gloat’ about how great her life was currently going/her new flame etc. This only made things worse, and naturally I often turned to L for support. L backed me up, telling me that it was for the best and that D wasn’t worth it. D also started to passive aggressively insult me (like making comments about my looks, humour etc) to the point where I really started to dislike her; which I told L.

However, D came to me out of the blue at the end of the 7 months and said she and L had strong feelings for each other. I confronted L, having told her I wouldn’t be comfortable with them getting together after everything and that I couldn’t accept it. L told me there was nothing to worry about and that nothing was happening. And yet after a series of events it came to light that D was telling the truth, and they were both attempting to get a relationship going. After a heated commotion on my part after having felt lied to and betrayed, I told them I never wanted to speak to them again.

After having deleted all their details from things like Facebook, MSN, Phone numbers etc, I got a long nasty email from L, pretty calling me all names under the sun, that I was childish and that they were both going out and there was nothing I could do about it. I also got an IM from my ex telling me I’m childish for not taking any of this calmly. Having said I never wanted to talk to either of them again, I stood by my word and merely blocked D and deleted the nasty email from L. For the following week, I got spam IM via MSN from their alternate accounts at stupid times till I finally managed to stop it from happening.

Roughly a week later, L resent the exact same email to me again, almost as if she were goading me to react to her. Again, I ignored it and moved it swiftly to the recycle bin. Things got quiet for a while and I thought I finally could get on with my life, but 3 weeks later I got an email from D, telling me I must be some sort of psycho and to stop harassing L with text messages. They literally accused me of teaming up with L’s ex (who she dumped in favour of D btw) to harass them both. As much as I was angered by this, I grit my teeth and continued to ignore/delete.

This continued on and off for 2.5 months, in which they stopped emailing one of my addresses after not receiving any response, and have now moved onto my second one. I also started to receive calls around the 11pm-2am mark on my mobile, half the time from with held numbers, and once in a while from L’s mobile/home phone. L tried to call me at work one time during this horrible time line when I was having trouble with family (she found out after stalking my online blog which she and D can’t comment on), and D also emailed me trying to act like the concerned friend to offer shoulder to cry on. I was having none of this wolf in sheep’s clothing act at all, and ignored it all as best I could.

Now I’m at the end of my tether with them both; I thought that after 2.5-3 months had passed that they’d move on with their damn lives. But it seems they’re still obsessing over me and trying to cause as much displeasure to me as they possibly can, in any way they can.

Can all of this be considered harassment? I don’t want to have to change my mobile number or my email address just because two idiots won’t get a clue, but I’m at my wits end with it all!

Continue reading →

a friend told me to download a mozilla add-on called cleanzer as a good way to stop spam email:

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/162019/

it hasnt had many downloads but has a few good ratings. has anyone used it? is it any good?

Continue reading →

a friend told me to download a mozilla add-on called cleanzer as a good way to stop spam email:

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/162019/

it hasnt had many downloads but has a few good ratings. has anyone used it? is it any good?

Continue reading →

Ok, so ages and ages ago, my husband started receiving spam emails at one of his gmail addresses. They were all “canadian pharmacy” or “online pharma” or “online pharmacy” as well as penis/breast enlargements.

I thought nothing of it. Then they stopped.

A few months ago, they started again. This time I was confused – they have never, ever come to any of the other 2 gmail accounts we have, or to the other hotmail, or to my yahoo.

So I started keeping a log.

Basically, they only come during the day – during the time he is at work. Never ever in the evenings (when he’s at home with me) or at weekends. The only time he ever had an email like that on a weekend was the one day we argued and he was on the computer all day long.

Now, since we met, my husband has maintained that he is not interested in porn and does not look at it. It took me a LONG time to believe this. In fact, it wasn’t until my therapist told me that “not all men like porn, and that is also normal” that I started to believe it.

But I am finding the timing of these emails all too convenient. Yesterday he got one at 8.30am, he was the only one at work (he works in a garage, and opened up by himself). That is roughly the time he would have opened up.

He never gets them in the evenings or weekends, which makes me think he is using his email to log on to porn sites or something.

He has told me they are junk, and insists he doesn’t even check his email at work now incase there’s a virus on the machine. He works with another man, and quite possibly he looks at porn, although we can’t be sure. And it wouldn’t explain the email yesterday, given that he wasn’t with my husband.

At this point it becomes less about the porn and more about the lies. Yes, he knows I do not like porn and would be hurt if he did it. But if he admitted he liked it, I would deal with it because at least I would know. But instead, he has told me for 4 years that he doesn’t like it.

In addition to the lies, it becomes about his behaviour. Whenever I have accused him of porn (I’ve found it a few times), he always had a believable excuse and would argue with me, even end the marriage, and blame everything on my paranoia and me not trusting him. So if he is looking at it, that means I have been right all those times, in which case he has been controlling me and bullying me for no reason.

On top of that, our sex life has dwindled over the last year or so. Instead of every day, it’s become 4-5 times a week which I understand is normal. But recently, it’s more like 2-3 times a week, if that. And it’s always HIM that doesn’t want it. I always initiate it, and he’s the one who’s “tired” “overeaten”, “not in the mood”.

So his porn is therefore affecting our sex life. If he wants sex that often, why not have sex? I never say no. And if he is masturbating over porn, that explains why he doesn’t want sex as often – in which case that is an addiction, and it is affecting our sex life because I don’t get sex.

What is really p*ssing me off is that he currently has a genital herpes outbreak (he caught it years ago from an ex, gets outbreaks all the time) and said he was too sore for sex/handjob. But yesterday, if this spam email means he was looking at porn, then he wasn’t too bloody sore was he! Which confirms it is affecting our sex life!

I am not interested in watching porn with him. I have offered to, but he always gets angry and says he’s not interested in porn. I have told him if he is honest with me, I will deal with it. But again, he gets angry and denies looking at it.

Why is he so desperate to look at porn that he has to do it at work? And would rather do that at work, than come home and have sex with me?

I understand that he can’t/won’t do it at home because he knows it’d hurt me, and we’re always together so he doesn’t get chance. So I can understand that work is the only place, but why can’t he live without it?

And why would he do it, knowing full well if I ever found out (which obviously he thinks I won’t) it’d be devastating?

And for the record – it’s not really about the porn now. It’s about the lies, the affect on our sex life, and the fact he’s willing to do something he knows will hurt me. What else will he lie about? What else will he do?

And why maintain he doesn’t like porn? Why not just admit it, as I have begged him to so many times? I have told him since the day we met, if he tells me he likes it, I could deal with it. But if he tells me he doesn’t like it, and then I catch him, it’s gonna hurt me so bad. But for 4 years he has told me he doesn’t like it, and argued with me if I ever accuse him of liking it.
Heck, he’s even tried to end the marriage saying I don’t trust him, that I’m obsessed with cheating/porn, that he’s innocent and I’m paranoid…. that’s way controlling!

Continue reading →